By Cindy Brochard
I began the process of deconditioning. And I can say that it’s quite a project. Because to get rid of what wires and formats me, I first need to understand how I was made.
I must review all my beliefs and values to know:
Are my thoughts really
my own or am I under
the influence of my environment?
Indeed, society, in all its complexity, does not facilitate this untangling of such well-tied cables.
The task is massive.
By trying to observe my behavior objectively, without social glasses that filter reality, I am still blinded by the deep influence of reflexes as if branded with an iron in my DNA.
Since my brain started wiring itself many years ago, I can’t pretend to get rid of everything, all at once.
However, nestled in the hollow of these cables, lies the essence of our individualities (or to put it simply, what makes us unique) and it is for this precious treasure that we must observe ourselves from the outside, shift ourselves away. This essence is trapped in these layers of cables; this interconnected network which gives answers and its opinion on everything that tickles it. From the big problems of the world to the small daily worries.
All these cables are even less malleable because they are surrounded by another layer that comes to make them shine: our ego. This, to preserve us and stick to the image that we strive to send back, makes this network even more rigid, in the name of our pride and our self-esteem.
The result is a “I” which is only a puppet and which we put on stage every day in society. An avatar to make us fit into the little boxes that the era felt were the ones that needed to be ticked. Therefore, there is little room for authenticity, creativity and even madness since these essential human precepts are:
Society must suit the greatest number of people, the average, and therefore ultimately, suits almost no one.
To return to this deconditioning work I started, I try to understand the cause-and-effect mechanisms. Every action has consequences. From then on, each decision leads to options and opportunities. The chosen path is specific to my freedom but what value does this freedom have if I am completely conditioned?
Along the way, I try to go back as far as possible to understand what seed was initially planted:
These flashes are the signals thanks to which I can hope to escape from automatic mode and move towards the subtle, even the elusive.
Because the thing is there: not everything can be rationalized and measured, the desire to create is mysterious and what can be done with it is marvelous. Even when we can’t explain it. Language and thought are our tools and do not replace the emotion generated by the beauty and sublimation of the world, in its least technical and most authentic form.
So this work of deconditioning takes time and a lot of energy, makes me feel on the margins and slaps me when I realize that what defines me is only the fruit of the society that saw me grow and mature.
This society influence is also not so palpable, which makes it even more difficult to grasp. It ends to be the sum of the rules and morals of the country in which we evolved. And all the good soldiers (you, I, us) who continue to perpetuate it.
The idea is therefore not
to fight against society but simply to undo and
detach us from its hold
on our freedom.
Because there is the seek hidden behind the need to deconstruct everything: in order to rebuild and to find the inner path of our extinct desires. Those which are the only ones capable of emancipating us, of looking at the world in its beauty and no longer wanting to stick to images which are only false ideals disguised as happiness ready to consume.
(The writer is an Adventurous, travel enthusiast and digital story teller who journeyed from France to India on a bike, sharing immersive stories and experiences from her transformative travels.)
